King's House Conference Centre, Auditorium

“A Most Royal Review of The Kings Conference House, Manchester” By His Former Majesty, Gregorius the Occasionally Merciful, Once King of Ragistifastanzia, Now Temporarily Between Thrones Ah, Manchester! Jewel of the North, or at least a reasonably polished pebble. My royal boots touched down at The Kings Conference House, lured by its noble name — for where else should a deposed king lick his wounds but in a house of kings? Alas, the only crown I found was carved into the wallpaper pattern, and even that looked suspiciously like a pineapple. The staff greeted me warmly — though not warmly enough to carry me aloft on a sedan chair whilst chanting my eighty-seven royal titles. Apparently, this “isn’t done here.” They offered me tea, which I accepted graciously, though it lacked the ceremonial trumpet fanfare and gold leaf garnish I am accustomed to. One must adjust, they tell me, though I refuse to adjust to decaf. The conference facilities themselves are splendidly modern, by which I mean they have plugs for the laptops of commoners. The chairs are ergonomic — which I presume means “doesn’t creak ominously when you plot vengeance.” During my keynote address (“How to Regain a Kingdom in Three Easy Coups”), the acoustics were most accommodating; my dramatic sighs reverberated magnificently. The catering was plentiful: sandwiches cut into triangles, not diamonds. I tried to decree the bread into gold, but was informed this would be “a health and safety violation.” The scones were adequate, though no one offered to duel me for the last one, which frankly robbed the experience of all drama. Would I recommend The Kings Conference House? Indeed, for peasants and princes alike! But beware: should you arrive expecting a literal throne room, you will be sorely disappointed — and possibly asked to stop sitting on the reception desk wearing a bedsheet as a cape (I regret nothing). Five stars out of five — one for each of my former palaces now sadly repurposed as discount goat markets. Long live the conference centre! Long live me (eventually)!

I have attended a few work conferences here and I have to say that they are always very well organised. The equipment and sound work well, the staff are friendly and things always seem to run smoothly. I ordered a vegan lunch and I have to say that it was one of the best I've ever had. It came in a box, so I didn't have to worry about cross contamination and it was full of some really nice things. I always carry a few breakfast bars as I never know if lunch will be available for me - at this place I don't need to worry!!